Haven't posted in a while (again). Had another bout of depression (again). Lost my mojo (again). But things are looking up (again). This last year has been extremely difficult. Between moving, starting a new job, the one-year of my dad's death, breaking up, getting back together, then breaking up again with Steven, and just all the other stuff life throws at you it's no wonder I've been all over the place. But let me focus on the good things: I spent a lot of time cuddling with my cute furball, Bubba. I went to see my friend Megan and managed to give her completed (!) socks!
After spending some time with Megan, her bf Burrito (my nickname for him) and her friend Apryl, I went further up north to visit my brother, his fiance and their son, Wyatt. I met a lot of cute kitties and reminisced about my parents while going through boxes of stuff. It was a short trip, but it was nice to see the lake and to catch up with one of my favorite library ladies, Elizabeth, from Northland as well.
I also went to State Fair and ate way too much greasy food. It was a blast and I definitely got my steps in that day (I was sore for about two days after). Then I wandered down to southern Wisconsin and visited some college friends who I haven't seen in a while. I met their critters, walked along the beach, ate delicious German food, drank hard root beer (amazing!), performed/received tarot readings, and had deep conversations about life with my old roomie Brad. <3 It was just what I needed. I saw my ex, Steven, on my way back home and we had a great conversation about life and love. I feel like I'm in a better place now to reinvent my life. I've felt so lost since my dad's one year death anniversary. And I was handling the grief reasonably well in Iowa, but then the move happened and when his one-year death anniversary came up I just kind of lost my ambition. I'm on some new meds now which should help me focus and take on the day. I feel this renewed energy to live life, not just exist. My parents are dead (lots of people lost their parents younger than I was, so I'm grateful for the 24/27 years I had with them), but that doesn't mean I should stop living my life. I need to move on and learn to live without them. It's hard, no doubt, but they wouldn't want me grieving so long and hard for them. They'd want me to move on, fall in love, explore, travel, and create memories of my own. So that's what I plan to do.
I've noticed the new meds are helping me focus on things I enjoy but gave up. Before, I'd get so overwhelmed because I couldn't focus on anything for any amount of time so I'd just do nothing. I stopped knitting, reading, writing, walking, and even watching shows I enjoyed because I couldn't focus. It was bad. Now I can focus longer so I feel that drive coming back. I want to read, knit, and walk more. I'm not 100% yet, but things are improving. And I can tell they're improving because this past weekend I finally finished that test knit shawl from
last year! Well, technically it's not finished finished because I still have to block it, but it's off the needles! It was the first time I'd knit in a while and the first time I'd completed something in a long while. I think Bubba missed me knitting too:
I also finished an afghan after trying to figure out how to widen it. I tried picking up stitches off the side, but it didn't really work. So I single crocheted the edges in gray then built on that. It's not the prettiest fix, but it's just for me so I don't mind. Bubba enjoyed cuddling up with it while I was working on it; he doesn't seem to cuddle up in it now that it's done. Silly cat.
That's about it for the last few months, but like I said, I feel the mojo coming back as I start to feel better and more productive. I'm even heading to the Humane Society tonight to find a lil furry friend for Bubbs. He's been acting rather clingy lately and I think it's because he's lonely. He's alone from 7:40-5 everyday so it's no wonder he cries and wants attention when I get home. I'm hoping a kitten will keep him occupied and give me another fluff to love. :)
